Fred Thompson Funnies-Part 7

In the midst of the nonsense still going on in the hallowed halls of Congress, with the Michael Vick animal atrocities, hurricanes, bridge collapses, floods--we need a break from the serious and so, it's time for the next installment of the Fred Thompson Funnies. As always, go visit Frank J. at IMAO. Enjoy! While you're visiting Frank, check out his other fun facts about other candidates..he doesn't disappoint!

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Fred Thompson's comprehensive education plan: Be smart or get a whup'n.

Knowing is half the battle. The other half? Fred Thompson.

It's a common belief that, no matter how well-trained, Fred Thompson will eventually snap and violently attack a pitbull. In reality, every time Fred Thompson has attacked a pit bull he's had a very good reason.

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Quotes from Sun Tzu's Art of War:

"He who knows when he can fight and when he cannot, will be victorious."
"The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting."
"If you pick a battle with Fred Thompson, can I have your stereo?"

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Fred Thompson gets three scoops of raisins in every box of Kellogg's Raisin Bran.

Fred Thompson's fine Italian shoes are made from real Italians.

Every time Fred Thompson's PC crashes, Bill Gates calls him and apologizes.

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Ways to kill a vampire:

1. Sunlight.
2. Stake through the heart.
3. Tell Fred Thompson that the vampire called him a sissy.

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Four our of five dentists agree: You should avoid getting punched in the mouth by Fred Thompson. The fifth dentist hates you.

People say they never forget the first time they voted for Fred Thompson. For most people, it was at a voting booth.

The most commonly known English phrases worldwide are "Hello," "Thank you," and "Please don't hurt me, Fred Thompson!"

Cars should stop and look both ways for Fred Thompson before driving through a crosswalk.

Harry Reid once got a black eye from a memory of Fred Thompson.

The lobby scene in The Matrix is loosely based on final poll results from Fred Thompson's reelection to the Senate.

Harry Reid was once beaten up by Fred Thompson's shadow.

Warning on cars' side view mirrors: "Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear, and if you can even glimpse Fred Thompson, you're already dead."

Fred Thompson promises that his foreign policy will be like a good action movie: Full of cool one-liners and explosions.

Fred Thompson can pickpocket a ninja.

Fred Thompson is dishwasher safe.

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Fred Thompson's wife Jeri Thompson has started to be the focus of more news coverage since she is very involved in the Fred Thompson campaign (well, word is it will officially be a "campaign" on September 5th), so I thought I'd do some research on her. Facts about her aren't as easy to come by as they are about Fred Thompson whose actions are stamped throughout history, but here is what I found:

JERI THOMPSON FACTS

* Jeri Thompson's favorite scented candles are ginger peach, cinnamon vanilla, and blood of her enemies.

* Jeri Thompson has been called a "trophy wife" just because she's pretty, but the other candidate's spouses never get called "honorable mention wives." Double standard!

* Jeri Thompson appeared on the O'Reilly Factor in 1999. It's the only time in recorded history that O'Reilly didn't interrupt a guest.

* As a Republican strategist, her main contribution to the Republican Party was the "Don't Be a Bunch of Whiny Wusses" strategy. Unfortunately, that's fallen out of favor in recent years.

* Jeri Thompson always clearly states what she is thinking and doesn't expect someone else to infer her thoughts.

Okay; I made the last one up. No woman does that.

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New scientific theory gaining ground against evolution: Species turn into other species to try and hide from Fred Thompson.

The Death Star is loosely based on Fred Thompson.

You'd have to eat eight crowbars to get the amount of iron that's in one bowl of Fred Thompson.

When will Fred Thompson enter the race? The day after what from then on will be known as Fred Thompson Eve.

One day Fred Thompson went to Vegas with only one dollar in his wallet. After three hands of blackjack, he owned the entire city.

Greek mythology suggests that Fred Thompson is the son of Zeus... or was it the other way
around?

During a brisk swim in the Atlantic, Fred Thompson once collided with an iceberg. No penguins survived.

To help Fred Thompson get to sleep, he has a white noise machine at his bedside. The settings on it are the ocean, a babbling brook, and the dying screams of his enemies.

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Newton's Three Laws of Physics:

1. Object's in motion tend to stay in motion.
2. For every action there is an equal but opposite reaction.
3. Don't mess with Fred Thompson.

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Dogs do their best to act calm when around Fred Thompson since they know he can smell fear.

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On Global Warming

Fred On Global Warming

“It seems scientists have noticed recently that quite a few planets in our solar system seem to be heating up a bit, including Pluto. This has led some people, not necessarily scientists*, to wonder if Mars and Jupiter, non-signatories to the Kyoto Treaty, are actually inhabited by alien SUV-driving industrialists who run their air-conditioning at 60 degrees and refuse to recycle.”

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Crazy Like A Fox...Fred Thompson

Once again, JB Williams has the beat. Pretty good analysis follows.

Cross-posted by Snooper

Unconventional Thompson

Crazy like a Fox!

Written by JB Williams

Still unofficial candidate Fred Thompson has promised an unconventional campaign, if he runs, and it appears that he wasn’t kidding. Conservatives are getting increasingly impatient for a formal announcement from Thompson and here’s why…

Democrats are leading Republicans in the presidential fundraising race by more than $100 million and every day that goes by without closing that gap makes GOP’ers as nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof.

Barack Obama is leading the fundraising field at a reported $59 million raised, followed by the former First Victim of President Bill Clinton, who has raised a reported $53 million. Hillary moved $10 million left over from her last senate race into her presidential campaign, bringing her total to $63 million and she is leading Democrat polls with a safe double digit lead over all other challengers.

Trial lawyers are once again pouring millions into the John Edwards campaign. But this time he is running far behind, raising only $23.1 million, less than half that of Obama or Clinton. Former Clinton foreign policy guru Bill Richardson has raised a surprising $13.3 million and Chris Dodd comes in fifth, raising a reported $12 million.

Joe Biden, Dennis Kucinich and Mike Gravel are on there way out of the race due to dismal support in the bank and the polls.

GOP’ers are wondering if any Republican can catch up with fundraising juggernauts Obama and Clinton and Thompson’s sitting on the sidelines isn’t helping that cause at all. But is this the measuring stick Thompson is using when deciding the timing of a formal announcement? Clearly not…

Things look quite different over in the Republican primaries race where the guy with the most money is not leading in the polls.

Mitt Romney is leading the GOP fundraising race at a reported $44.4 million raised, some of it his own money. However, Romney has peaked at around 10% in GOP polls, running at best third or fourth and he appears to be stuck there no matter how much money he raises or spends. He has already spent most of his campaign fund, with only $3.1 million left to play with after debt, as of August 1st.

Leading most GOP polls by a slim single digit margin is NY Mayor Rudy Giuliani who has raised a reported $35.6 million, but only has $18.3 million left in his campaign coffers. John McCain, who is steadily sinking in the polls and on the ropes, has raised and spent a reported $25.3 million and he’s barely hanging on with only $1.4 million left in his beleaguered campaign fund.

Sam Brownback has raised and spent $3.3 million with less than a $500,000 left on hand, Ron Paul has raised only $3 million, but still has $2.3 million on hand and Tom Tancredo has spent all but $500,000 of the $2.8 million he has raised.

At the bottom of the GOP field is Jim Gilmore who has already dropped out of the race, Tommy Thompson, whose campaign is drowning in red ink after raising and spending only $890,000, Mike Huckabee who has $400,000 of his $1.3 million left and Duncan Hunter who has spent all but $200,000 of his $1.3 million raised.

Beyond leaders Giuliani, Romney and McCain, none of whom can break above 35% with GOP voters, are “the others” who cannot break above 3% with GOP voters. The GOP has every right to be nervous about 2008, based upon this dismal field of fast failing candidates. The DNC is looking at the 2008 election as a lock and GOP’ers are reviewing the suicide options!

Then along comes unconventional Fred…late to the party, or is he?

He’s not yet in the race and has not yet spent a penny, but he is running a solid second in GOP polls, first in some. His fundraising is not yet officially reported as he only started raising funds a few short weeks ago. Upon announcing his exploratory committee, he announced a goal to raise $5 million by September. He is expected to report raising $3.46 million over the last three weeks for his testing the waters campaign, which should make hitting his goal of raising $5 million by September a breeze.

Beyond leaders Giuliani, Romney and McCain, none of whom can break above 35% with GOP voters, are “the others” who can not break above 3% with GOP voters. The GOP has every right to be nervous about 2008, based upon this dismal field of fast failing candidates. The DNC is looking at the 2008 election as a lock and GOP’ers are reviewing the suicide options!

Then along comes unconventional Fred… late to the party, or is he?

He’s not yet in the race and has not yet spent a penny, but he is running a solid second in GOP polls, first in some. His fundraising is not yet officially reported as he only started raising exploratory funds a few short weeks ago. Upon announcing his exploratory committee, he announced a goal to raise $5 million by September. He is expected to report raising $3.46 million over the last three weeks for his “testing the waters” campaign, which should make hitting his goal of raising $5 million by September a breeze.

Thompson hasn’t raised as much money because he just started raising money three weeks ago and he’s not yet officially in the race. But he hasn’t spent any money yet either and he’s steadily moving ahead in the polls, running second or even first without running at all…

We’ve read all the expert analysis about how Fred can’t “catch up” with the BIG campaign fundraising candidates who have been at it for months now. But let’s take a less “expert” more realistic look at where Thompson is actually sitting in the race at this moment.

Already, only one GOP candidate has more money “on hand” than Thompson. After months of raising money, Rudy Giuliani has a reported $18.3 million on hand as his campaign moves forward and Thompson is already second with $3.46 million on hand, after only three weeks of raising money and not yet officially in the race. Romney is now third with $3.1 million on hand and Paul is fourth with $2.3 million on hand.

Yet unannounced Thompson is running a very tight second behind announced front-runner Giuliani in GOP polls. On this basis, Thompson appears to be in the catbird seat, if you ask me.

Clearly, most conservative voters are still sitting on their wallets waiting for a candidate they can actually support to enter the race. Only time will tell if Thompson is that candidate or not. But strategically speaking, unconventional Fred seems crazy like a fox for his deliberate pace in entering the race.

As he takes his good old fashioned time to set his staff and his platform, he is raising without spending and allowing an already overcrowded field of campaign losers to thin out before formally announcing. He’s either the smartest man in the race, or the luckiest fool in the race. Crazy? Like a fox maybe…

Whether reading the polls or the campaign fundraising tea leaves, it appears to me that the GOP nomination is indeed Thompson’s to lose. If those sitting on their wallets are waiting for Thompson’s formal announcement as I expect, myself being one of them, then hold on to your hats brothers and sisters. Thompson could set new records for the most money ever raised in the shortest period of time, once he announces.

I’m happy to bet my money on that eventuality at this point. The remaining question is how he might stack up against Obama, Clinton or Gore in the general election next year.

According to my crystal ball, Obama will continue to raise money, but he will never win the DNC nomination no matter how much he raises. Not because he’s black, but because he is patently unqualified and even the most uneducated Americans know it.

The Clintons will continue to raise money too. It’s what they do best.

However, although Hillary is the likely DNC nominee as of today, once she faces real opposition and is forced to answer for all the scandals and criminal charges that make up the entire Clinton political legacy, Democrats will once again find themselves saddling up good ole Al Gore for one more ride. Howard Dean is already slipping under the covers to cozy up to Al. Dean too, knows that no other Democrat has even a remote chance at the White House in 2008…

My money is on a Thompson – Gore battle for all the marbles in the 2008 general election and nobody is more experienced at losing that battle than Al Gore…

So I say to my fellow conservatives, - don’t slit your wrist just yet. I know what the “experts” are saying, but the experts aren’t going to decide what happens between now and November 2008. Us average folks will decide what happens next… We’ll let the experts figure out what happened later.

My checkbook is waiting to hear the Thompson platform straight from the old war horse’s mouth. I’m a common American looking for a common American leader who believes in common American ideals, like me. I’m not looking for an old man or a young man, just a good man. I don’t like hardcore right-wingers much more than hardcore left-wingers, which I don’t like at all.

I suspect I have lots of company…

Run when you’re ready Fred - And don’t screw it up!

* Fundraising stats provided by www.OpenSecrets.org

* GOP Polling results provided by www.PollingReport.com

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Fred Thompson Funnies-Part 6

Catching up! Haven't posted these in a while and we all need a laugh! Thanks Frank J. at IMAO!

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Early maps labeled uncharted areas "Here be Fred Thompson." The practice was soon stopped because Fred Thompson prefers to be unlisted.

Fred Thompson has never heard of soccer.

Fred Thompson never says, "More Ovaltine, please!" If you value your life, you will anticipate his Ovaltine needs.

In the original version of the tale "The Three Little Pigs," Fred Thompson successfully blows the brick house down, turns the three pigs into BLTs, and makes a hat out of the big bad wolf.

Fred Thompson can improve a floundering economy simply by glaring at it menacingly.

Fred Thompson has an extensive library of thousands of scholarly books on every topic... and each one has been hollowed out and had a gun placed inside it.

Special Harry Potter Edition Fred Thompson Facts

* Fred Thompson's glare has the same effect as a Cruciatus Curse.

* Dumbledore was the only wizard Voldemort ever feared. Why? Because Dumbledore was friends with Fred Thompson.

* Fred Thompson can transform into the most powerful Animagus form of all: Fred Thompson.

* If you call Fred Thompson a Muggle, he'll cast a spell on you where you spit out all your teeth. He uses his fist to cast the spell.

* A Quidditch game ends when either the Golden Snitch is caught or Fred Thompson becomes bored.

* Fred Thompson has killed more Death Eaters than any Auror... and that was just this morning.

* Even an Imperius Curse can't make you vote against Fred Thompson.

* SPOILER!!! At the end of Deathly Hallows, Fred Thompson kills Voldemort. With a ping pong paddle.

Fred Thompson's home alarm system automatically calls the police, but it seems kinda useless since they'd never arrive in time to save the burglar.

Fred Thompson once wrote a poem that was three times as lovely as a tree.
[Wait... I think that one might actually be a John Edwards Fabulous Fact. -Ed.]

Every day, Fred Thompson beats up eight times his weight in hippies.

If Fred Thompson watches paint dry, it makes itself entertaining.

Fred Thompson always keeps his eyes on his enemies... even when he sneezes.

Fred Thompson's sheer willpower is so strong it can microwave a burrito.

Fred Thompson has never had to discipline his dogs. If they ever feel they have disappointed their master, they commit seppuku.

Fred Thompson has exactly the right amount of cowbell.

When Fred Thompson visits San Francisco, it's temporarily the straightest city in the country.

Fred Thompson's TV records all the shows he wants to watch. There isn't a DVR connected to it; the TV's just scared of making him mad.

Once Fred Thompson played such a great game of Monopoly that the Federal Trade Commission got involved.

Fred Thompson has such self-control that he has only laughed once during the entire five year history of IMAO... and it was probably at something Harvey wrote.

Even annoying yip-yap dogs are reverently silent in the presence of Fred Thompson.

A video game company was working on a Fred Thompson simulator where one gets to experience the awesomeness of being Fred Thompson, but they had to shut it down because everyone who tried it had his face melted off.

Fred Thompson doesn't take "No" for an answer... unless the question was "What don't I take for an answer?" Then you better correctly respond with "No" before Fred Thompson rips out your spine and beats you with it.

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Fred Thompson Funnies-Part 2

From my friend Frank J. at IMAO, here's this week's compilation of Fred Thompson funnies!

Fred Thompson doesn't get sunburned; the sun gets Fred Thompson-burned.

Fred Thompson doesn't believe in myths such as Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, and extraterrestrials -- and he knows their existence is myths since he killed them all with his bare hands. Also, he knows for a fact that Elvis is dead since he strangled him in a shopping mall in 1987.

Fred Thompson preferred way to kill a bill in the Senate is the shotgun.

Scientists believe the reason for the sudden extinction of all the dinosaurs is either an asteroid or that they crossed Fred Thompson.

New Fred Thompson shirts from ThoseShirts.com!
Look how awesome it is! You must have one! (See the above picture)
I came up with the slogan, and Doug from ThoseShirts.com came up with the design. He also has a "I'm with Fred" shirt that goes well with Fred Thompson's new campaign site and a "Better Fred than Dead" shirt.

Anyway, make sure you get a Fred Thompson shirt now to show everyone you support his candidacy. Otherwise, people might think you're still on the fence and waiting for Chuck Hagel to enter the race.

Scientist predict that the giant BOOM! that will occur when Fred Thompson officially enters the race will not only be heard worldwide, but will also be heard in other galaxies and possibly cause their stars to explode.

Terrorists hate us for our Fred Thompson.

In case it one day needs a backup, Fred Thompson has memorized the internet.

Since they know they can't outrun Fred Thompson, grizzly bears will often try and play dead.

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Fred Thompson Funnies-Part 1

I was reading my daily Townhall.com offering and Jonah Goldberg's column this week had a few of these interesting tidbits about Fred Thompson. So, I went to the link Jonah provided (http://www.imao.us/) and became totally immersed in Frank J.'s blog.

Being a Fred supporter myself, I asked Frank J. if I could copy his daily Fred fact to my blog and he kindly said yes, as long as I gave appropriate credit. His Fred Thompson Archives page is here.

Enjoy Frank J.'s wit and humor and I'll be updating as we go along. Thanks Frank J.! Oh, all emphasis is mine, not Frank J.'s.

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One lazy afternoon, Fred Thompson felt like whittling. The result: Mount Rushmore.



Many claim that support for Fred Thompson is only because he acted like a gruff DA on TV. In reality, though, gruff DAs are all trying to act like Fred Thompson.

With Fred Thompson departing from Law & Order, it's now being renamed The Cops and Lawyers Fun Hour.

They say that after a nuclear blast, the only things that will survive will be cockroaches and Fred Thompson... except that Fred Thompson doesn't like cockroaches. So the only thing that will survive will be Fred Thompson.

Fred Thompson has never considered anything a monkey has done to be funny. Even those with roller skates on.

Fred Thompson honors the fallen on Memorial Day by setting fire to hippies. Burn long and hard in their remembrance, you filthy hippies.

The grass is always greener on Fred Thompson's lawn. Always.



Fred Thompson has enough strength to throw Rosie O'Donnell ten feet.

Fred Thompson has a cameo appearance in the third Pirates of the Caribbean movie. He plays the force of nature.

In a Fred Thompson administration, there will always be room to disagree with him. That room is called the morgue.

In the series Law & Order, Fred Thompson plays the title character.

Fred Thompson is immune to fire, bullets, and your sarcasm.

In times of trouble, Fred Thompson activates the secret gamma accelerator hidden in his watch, powers up and transforms into... Fred Thompson.

Usually for a bill to become a law, it has to be passed by the House and the Senate and signed by the President, but once Fred Thompson made a bill into law by saying, "This bill is now the law" and punched Bill Clinton in the nads.

When Fred Thompson had to watch Sleepless in Seattle with his wife, somehow that version had ninja attacks, gun fights, and explosions. He still thought it was gay.

The chupacabra is in fact the physical manifestation of Fred Thompson's anger over illegal immigration. If Mexicans don't want their goats sucked dry of blood, they better respect our border.

Fred Thompson was originally considered for the lead to 24, but then the producers realized that, with how long it takes Fred Thompson to solve any national crisis, they'd have to rename the series 0.2.

Unbeknownst to Michael Moore, a documentary was made of the last time Fred Thompson debated a liberal blow hard. It was called Faces of Death.

There's a UN council that focuses on finding ways to protect countries from the wrath of Fred Thompson. Their solution: Nuke selves.

When Fred Thompson throws a cat, it always lands on its head.

Fred Thompson not only doesn't add cream or sugar to his coffee, he doesn't add water.

Rumor has it that Tom Bombadil is in fact an early Fred Thompson.

Fred Thompson has never been confused by anything that has happened on Lost.

Fred Thompson has on multiple occasions solved problems like Maria.

Fred Thompson understands women.

Fred Thompson kills at least one terrorist every day before he even has his first cup of coffee. You don't want to be the terrorist he kills before he gets his first cup of coffee.

Fred Thompson can pat his head, rub his belly, and kill you all at the same time.

If all the computers in the world worked together, it would still take them six quintillion years to calculate exactly how awesome Fred Thompson is. In fact, computers will never be able to calculate that since Fred Thompson's awesomeness increases faster than Moore's Law.

Fred Thompson's response to the debate question "What do you dislike most about America?" would be to rip off Chris Matthew's head and shove it up his ass.

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By popular demand, I've made a Fred Thompson Facts t-shirt over at the IMAO Store. It has a Fred Thompson for President logo on the front and these facts on the back:

* Fred Thompson often fills in for Paul Harvey and Batman.

* Physicists say nothing can escape a black hole or Fred Thompson.

* Why does Iran want nukes? Fear of Fred Thompson.

* Though Fred Thompson left the Senate in 2003, Harry Reid still hasn't stopped wetting his pants.

* Only two things can kill Superman: Kryptonite and Fred Thompson.

* Every night, Osama checks under his bed for Fred Thompson.

* Fred Thompson is a prime number.

* Actual cause of global warming? Fred Thompson's burning rage.

* Fred Thompson appears human size because he is actually standing a million miles away.

* Not only does Fred Thompson cut taxes, he cuts tax collectors.

Maybe later I'll make some stickers and magnets with individual Fred Thompson facts. If there are some facts you like that I didn't include, put them in the comments.

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Fred Thompson can win any presidential debate by answering "I'm Fred Thompson" to every question.

Fred Thompson's favorite color is the blood of his enemies.

Fred Thompson's favorite book is a battered copy of The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress which he used to beat a hippy to death with.

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Unverfied Fred Thompson Facts

People have been e-mailing me Fred Thompson facts even though I've never made a claim to be the repository of Fred Thompson knowledge. I'd thought I'd share them with you, though I must warn you that these facts have not been triple verified like all the other Fred Thompson facts I've told you. Thus there is the possibility they are false and Fred Thompson will kill us all for reading them.

UNVERIFIED FRED THOMPSON FACTS:

* Fred Thompson never has to stop at a traffic light because of a Homeland Security directive requiring all lights to turn green whenever he approaches.

* Fred Thompson eats shotgun shells for breakfast and craps 44 magnum bullets in the afternoon.

* Rosie O'Donnell insulted Fred Thompson so he morphed her into a reasonable, intelligent human being. Afterthat she joined the Republican Party, took Simon Cowell for a lover and replaced Michelle Malkin as a contributor on Bill O'Reilly show.

* Does a bear @#$% in the woods? Only with signed notarized permission in triplicate from Fred Thompson.

* When Fred Thompson empties his pistol at the firing range, it reloads itself out of respect.

I'm starting to think some things said about Fred Thompson are actually urban legends.

* When Fred Thompson gave blood in Alaska, it fulfilled the Red Cross's entire quota for 6 months.

* Fred Thompson is part man, part machine. Underneath, he has a hyper-alloy combat chassis - micro processor-controlled, fully armored. Very tough.

* Fred Thompson uses a .357 Magnum as a remote control.

* Fred Thompson's carbon footprint is the size of the Yukon.

* Fred Thompson once opened a stuck jar of pickles by winking at it.

* Nuclear reactor coolant fills Fred Thompson's hot tub.

* There are only 2 things in life that are certain - Death and Fred Thompson.

* Fred Thompson flosses his teeth with a straight razor.

* Fred Thompson eats lightning and craps thunder.

* Fred Thompson uses a machine gun as a back scratcher.

* If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Fred Thompson loading his shotgun.

* Waldo is hiding because of Fred Thompson.

* The Ultimate Fighting Championship is based on Fred Thompson's playground history.

* Fred Thompson reheats leftovers by staring at them.

* Fred Thompson uses high octane gasoline as mouthwash.

* Fred Thompson can see the American flag on the moon.

* Fred Thompson can throw a 95-mph fastball ……. with his foot.

* Fred Thompson uses the St. Louis Arch as a hand exerciser.

* Fred Thompson's steely glare will soften steel.

* Fred Thompson's gravely voice will often start brush fires.

* Fred Thompson runs a 4 minute mile in 42 seconds.

* Any stop signal that turns red when Fred Thompson approaches is immediately sent to the factory for reprogramming.

* When Fred Thompson goes fishing, fish swim to the dock and volunteer to fill his limit.

* Tides flow in and tides flow out unless Fred Thompson wants to take his kids to the beach.

* Harry Reid insulted Fred Thompson and was instantly transformed into a one dimensional cartoon cutoutposter.

* A Homeland Security directive requires all Airlines to keep a First class seat available to every city in the United States just in case Fred Thompson wants to go there.

* Abraham Lincoln once said, "You can fool some of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can never fool Fred Thompson."

BTW, here's an editorial by Fred Thompson at National Review on how America doesn't care what others think of us.

If you have any new facts about Fred Thompson, put them in the comments... but try to verify your facts first.

Marvel Comics has an upcoming event to chronicle the Fred Thompson campaign entitled "World War Hulk."

In an election, it costs ten dollars to vote for Fred Thompson since voting for him is a privilege, not a right.

You can safely view Fred Thompson using a shoe box with a pin-sized hole in one end.

To save tax money, for a while Tennessee reduced it's police force to just Fred Thompson armed with a claw hammer. During that time, there was no crime in Tennessee or any contiguous state.
In the presence of Fred Thompson, terrorists prematurely explode... even if they don't have explosives strapped to them.

Fred Thompson's wit is so sharp that it can split apart atoms.

What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object? Fred Thompson appears out of nowhere and beats the crap out of both of them.

What would prove that the United States of America is the greatest nation to ever have existed? If Fred Thompson decides we're worthy enough to have him as our leader.

New plan for future space launches: Have Fred Thompson stand by the launch pad and glare angrily at the rocket so it will reach escape velocity out of necessity.

Fred Thompson's firearm collection is so awesome that it's illegal in all fifty states and received a condemnation from the U.N.

The temperature of Fred Thompson's icy gaze is negative twenty degrees kelvin.

Fred Thompson plans to make it an allowable interrogation technique to rip out a terrorists spine and beat him with it.

Why does Dr. Gregory House need a cane to walk? Because he once cut Fred Thompson off in traffic.

Fred Thompson can shoot beams out of his eyes so hot they can burn through Superman.

The original ending to "In the Line of Fire" had Fred Thompson stand between the assassin and the president and deflect the bullet off his chest. This was deemed to unrealistic, though, since no one would ever have the courage to pull the trigger on Fred Thompson.

Fred Thompson is a prime number.

Fred Thompson often fills in for Paul Harvey and Batman.

When Fred Thompson found out a Senator had added pork to a bill, Fred Thompson ripped off the man's leg and beat him with it. The leg was later returned to the Senator as part of a bi-partisan compromise.

The U.S. Military once created a Fred Thompson submachine gun. They were unable to use it since firing it on the battlefield violated every single article of the Geneva Conventions (and common sense).

Why does it rain? Because God is crying. Why is God crying? Because Fred Thompson punched Him in the arm.

Unlike fire, Fred Thompson can melt steel.

If you took Chuck Norris, Jack Bauer, Optimus Prime, a .50 caliber Desert Eagle, a samurai sword, nachos, the lobby scene from the move Matrix, the computer game Doom, and a DVD set of the complete A-Team series and somehow took all their awesomeness and compressed into one thing, you'd still only have something half as awesome as what Fred Thompson flushes down the toilet after taking a crap.

Fred Thompson washes down his morning steak and eggs with a big mug of jet fuel.

Polls show that, in a presidential race between Hillary Clinton and Fred Thompson, the result would be that Hillary would vomit up her own heart and die.

The myth about the twelve labors of Hercules is loosely based on Fred Thompson's Boy Scout career.

Fred Thompson can kill you just by thinking about you. Luckily, you're far too insignificant for him to think about.

Physicists say that nothing can escape a black hole or Fred Thompson.

Fred Thompson appears human sized because he is actually standing a million miles away.

According to Sura 8 verse 65 of the Koran, Allah told the Prophet Muhammad, "O Prophet! Urge the believers to war; if there are twenty patient ones of you they shall overcome two hundred, and if there are a hundred of you they shall overcome a thousand of those who disbelieve... but if you're up against Fred Thompson, you're totally screwed and I can't help you."

Inexplicably, Fred Thompson receives a copy of tomorrow's newspaper at his doorstep every morning. He uses it to wrap fish since Fred Thompson doesn't care about either today's or tomorrow's liberal slant on the news.

A short but accurate biography of Fred Thompson can be found in Jane's Tank & Combat Vehicle Recognition Guide.

While he is opposed to gay marriage, Fred Thompson is very compassionate towards gays since, in comparison to him, every man is a flaming homosexual.

It's sounding more and more likely that Fred Thompson will run for the Republican nomination for President. Can he win, though, when it's well known that his penchant for bureaucracy nearly kept Bruce Willis and Clint Eastwood from getting the job done against terrorists and assassins?

I think he can.

Actually, the more I find out about Fred Thompson, the more I think he needs to be President. And I mean he should be President right now, like Dick Cheney should resign, President Bush should then appoint Fred Thompson to be Vice-President, and then President Bush should resign.

You might think I'm going overboard when I've only just started to learn about Fred Thompson, but you won't when you read this:

AWESOME FACTS ABOUT FRED THOMPSON

* Fred Thompson has on multiple occasions pronounced "nuclear" correctly.

* Fred Thompson has blasted more people in the face with a shotgun than even Dick Cheney.

He's Fred Thompson. You're nothing.

* The masked executioner of Saddam Hussein: Fred Thompson.

* Not only does Fred Thompson cut taxes, he cuts tax collectors.

* Fred Thompson is the only person to have ever bested Miyamato Mushashi in a duel. The reason Musashi is so vague about the book of the void is because the fifth ring of combat is really Fred Thompson.

* The reason Fred Thompson didn't want to stay in the Senate for long is because all the extra scrutiny kept him from doing his favorite hobby: Prowling the streets at night killing drug dealers.

* Every night before going to sleep, Osama bin Laden checks under his bed for Fred Thompson.

* Fred Thompson took over what was Al Gore's Senate seat, thereby dramatically reducing the Senate's carbon footprint. Fred Thompson then created carbon offset offsets by wastefully burning hippies.

* The Fremen consider "Fred Thompson" a killing word.

* Fred Thompson reconsidered running for reelection after 9/11 but later decided to handle things on his own. He was soon seen entering the Middle East with a bottle of tequila in one hand an a handgun in the other. They're still counting the dead.

* Though Fred Thompson left the Senate in 2003, Harry Reid still hasn't stopped wetting his pants.

* Fred Thompson's gaze can kill small animals.

* Fred Thompson once ended a filibuster by ripping out a Senator's heart and showing it to him before he died.

* The actual cause of global warming: Fred Thompson's burning rage.

* The budget to Law & Order was dramatically increased when Fred Thompson was added to the cast because he has to be digitally inserted into the scenes since anytime he's near Hollywood liberals, he kills them.

* Only two things can kill Superman: Kryptonite and Fred Thompson.

* Fred Thompson once stood on our south border and glared at Mexico. There was no illegal immigration for a month.

* Scientists predict that when Fred Thompson dies he'll explode taking out the five nearest planets before collapsing into a black hole.

* At a campaign stop, a Belgian Hound tried to hump Fred Thompson's leg. That breed of dog no longer exists.

* Fred Thompson vows not only to win in Iraq but also to forcefully free Vietnam from Communism, thus giving America a perfect win/loss record for wars again.

* If you purchase a weather radio, it will wake you up with an alarm to warn you when Fred Thompson is pissed off.

* An abortion doctor tried to kill Fred Thompson when he was still in the womb, but he cut off the man's hand with scalpel while shouting, "Do you know who I am? I'm Fred Thompson!"

* Webster's Dictionary defines "conservatism" as "how closely one's views resemble those of Fred Thompson."

* Fred Thompson's sense of strategy is so great that he can checkmate you using only a pawn and a knight.

* Fred Thompson can know both the exact position and momentum of a particle. Furthermore, he knows Schroedinger's cat is dead because he personally strangled it.

* The most efficient airline security is to have Fred Thompson stare down everyone entering a plane.

* When terrorists get to the afterlife, they'll find that none of their seventy-two women are still virgins. Why? Because of Fred Thompson.

* Fred Thompson can open clamshell packaging without the slightest trouble.

* In a butterfly ballot, no matter where you punch it the vote goes to Fred Thompson.

* Why does Iran want nuclear weapons? Out of fear of Fred Thompson.

* Some versions of the Bible have Mathew 5:5 read, "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth... unless Fred Thompson wants it."

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I WISH Fred Thompson Would Throw His Hat In the Ring!!!

Fred Thompson's latest post from TownHall.com here:

The man makes sense; perhaps too much sense for D.C.

Excerpt: Prepared Remarks for Speech to Lincoln Club Annual Dinner
By Fred Thompson
Saturday, May 5, 2007

So we meet again, and I'm honored, because I know we're here for the same reasons: Love of our country and concern for our future.

A lot of Americans have these concerns tonight. They are concerned about the way things are going in our country right now. Some fear we may be in the first stages of decline. We've heard this malaise talk before.

Of course Iraq is a large part of it. Not only is it tough going, but the effort is besieged on all sides. From those playing the most crass kind of politics with it at home to criticism from around the world.

Even at home, as we enjoy the benefits from one of the best economies we've ever had, people seem uncertain; they raise concerns about global competition or a growing economic disparity among our citizens.

These are challenges. But how we react to them is more important than the challenges themselves. Some want us, to the extent possible, to withdraw from the world that presents us with so many problems, in the hope they will go away. Some would push us towards protectionist trade policies. Others see a solution in raising taxes and redistributing the income among our citizens.

Wrong on all counts. These are defensive, defeatist policies that have consistently been proven wrong. They are not what America is all about.

Let's talk about the issues here at home, first. A lot of folks in Washington suffer from a big misconception about our economy. They confuse the well-being of our government with the wealth of our nation. Adam Smith pointed out the same problem in his day, when many governments mixed up how much money the king had with how well-off the country was.

Taxes are necessary. But they don't make the country any better off. At best they simply move money from the private sector to the government. But taxes are also a burden on production, because they discourage people from working, saving, investing, and taking risks. Some economists have calculated that today each additional dollar collected by the government, by raising income-tax rates, makes the private sector as much as two dollars worse off.

To me this means one simple thing: tax rates should be as low as possible. This isn't anything ideological, and it really isn't some great insight. It's common sense arithmetic.

That's why the economy booms when taxes are cut. When the Kennedy tax cuts were passed in the 1960s, the economy boomed. When Reagan cut taxes in 1981, we went from economic malaise to a new morning in America. And when George Bush cut taxes in 2001, he took a declining economy he inherited to an economic expansion -- despite 9-11, the NASDAQ bubble and corporate scandals.

The Democrats, of course, want to raise taxes. They only want to target the rich, they say. A word of advice to anyone in the middle class -- don't stand anywhere near that target. Wouldn't it be great if, instead of worrying so much about how to divide the pie, we could work together on how to make the pie bigger?

On globalization -- we're not afraid of it. It works to our benefit. We innovate more and invest in that innovation better than anywhere else in the world. Same thing goes for services, which are increasingly driving our economy. Free trade and market economies have done more for freedom and prosperity than a central planner could ever dream and we're the world's best example of that. So, why do we want to take investment dollars out of growth, and invest it in government?

I'd say cash flow to the government is already going quite well. Over the past year our current tax structure generated record levels of revenue for Washington. In fact it's time to seriously consider what we're getting for our "investment" in government.

For many years, several functions of the federal government have been descending into a sorry state of mismanagement and lack of accountability. I published a 68-page report on government's waste, duplication and inability to carry out some of its basic responsibilities. That was back in 2001 before 9-11, and it got little attention. Now the government's shortcomings are affecting our national security and are getting a lot of attention.

The growth of government is not solving these problems; it's causing a lot of them. Every level of new bureaucracy that is created develops a level of bureaucracy beneath it, which creates another one. Pretty soon there is no accountability in the system. A new head of a department or agency comes in from out of town and, after a protracted confirmation fight, wants to spend his or her few years in Washington making great policy and solving national problems, not fighting with their own bureaucrats. So they just let well enough alone. Then you start seeing the results. Departments that can't pass an audit, computer systems that don't work, intelligence breakdowns, people in over their heads.

Yet people in both parties continue to try to federalize and regulate at the national level more and more aspects of American society -- things that have traditionally been handled at the state and local level. We must remember that we have states to serve as policy laboratories for innovation and competition. That's how we got welfare reform. Our system also allows for the diversity of our large country. Our attitude should be, let the federal government do what it is supposed to be doing -- competently. Then maybe we will give it something else to do.

The government could start by securing our nation's borders. A sovereign nation that can't do that is not a sovereign nation. This is secondarily an immigration issue. It's primarily a national security issue. We were told twenty years ago if we produced a comprehensive solution, we'd solve the illegal immigration problem. Twelve million illegals later, we're being told that same thing again. I don't believe most Americans are as concerned about the 12 million that are here as they are about the next 12 million and the next 12 million after that. I think they're thinking: "Prove you can secure the border and then people of good will can sit down and work out the rest of it, while protecting those folks who play by the rules."

Speaking of reforms and our economy, there is nothing more urgent than the fate that is awaiting our Social Security and Medicare programs. The good news is that we are living longer. However, we don't have enough young working people to finance these programs from their taxes.

People say the programs are going bankrupt. They won't go bankrupt. Even as these programs sap every dime of the government's revenue, the folks in Washington will raise the taxes necessary to cover the problem. At this rate the federal government is going to wind up as nothing more than a transfer agent -- transferring wealth from one generation to another. It will devastate our economy.

Sometimes I think that I'm the last guy around who still thinks term limits is a good idea. The professionalization of politics saps people's courage. Their desire to keep their job and not upset anybody overrides all else -- even if it hurts the country.

So the entitlement problem gets kicked a little further down the road. This action is based on the premise that our generation is too greedy to help the next generation. I believe just the opposite is true. If grandmom and granddad think that a little sacrifice will help their grandchildren when they get married, try to buy a home or have children, they will respond to a credible call to make that sacrifice -- if they don't think that the sacrifice is going down some government black hole.

I am going to quote my friend, Senator Tom Coburn of Oklahoma. I don't think he'll mind, even though it was a private conversation. He said, "People talk a lot about moral issues, but the greatest moral issue facing our generation is the fact that we are bankrupting the next generation. People talk about wanting to make a difference. Here we could make a difference for generations to come."

It's clear with close numbers in the House and the Senate we need bipartisanship to have any chance at real reform in any of these areas. And there are many responsible people who are willing to try to make it happen. But the level of bipartisanship needed for real progress can only be achieved when politicians perceive that the American people are demanding it. That's why leaders of reform and hopefully our next President, will have a mandate to go directly to the American people with truth and clarity.

These days in Washington, there's an awful lot of talk about the need for conversation -- that we should talk more to our nation's enemies; that we should speak "truth to power." However the speakers are usually turned in the wrong direction. Instead of talking to each other, leaders need to be speaking more to the American people.

The message would be simple: "My friends we have entered a new era. We are going to be tested in many ways, possibly under attack and for a long time. It's time to take stock and be honest with ourselves. We're going to have to do a lot of things better. Here's what we need to do and here's why. I know that, now that you're being called upon, you will do whatever is necessary for the sake of our country and for future generations. You always have."

When the American people respond to that, as I know they will, you will have your bipartisanship.

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