Saturday Morning Indoctrination 101

Like most people my age (46), we grew up in an era when there was no cable TV and cartoons were the staple of Saturday mornings. These were the cartoons of a bygone age, Looney Tunes, Hannah-Barbera, Bugs Bunny, Scooby Doo, the Jetsons, etc.

Commercials were for the latest sugar laden cereal (when do you think Count Chocula, BooBerry and FrankenBerry, not to mention Cap'n Crunch, etc. got their start?) or the coolest new toy, often an upgrade for Barbie and Friends or the latest "Talking" doll for girls or the Hot Wheels racetracks with "loop the loop action" for boys.

Fast forward to today.

One channel (ABC) is an extension of Disney's latest political correctness crap, with the usual nonsense of kids outsmarting adults all the time (indicating Disney's real feelings toward adults)--shows such as "The Suite Life of Zach and Cody", "Hannah Montana", etc. Keep in mind Disney is also ultimately responsible for foisting such train wrecks as Brittney and Jamie Spears upon us, in direct contrast to the formerly wholesome kids Disney used to launch.

Several channels run 1/2 hour long "ads" for the EPA and "Green" Party, disguised as "cartoons" (one even had an episode today about humans saving dinosaurs from being hunted to extinction).

No more escapism fun.

But--it gets even better. The Global Warming hysteria has reached new lows with an ad that debuted in March, 2006 and which gained prominence in conjunction with CBS' propaganda realism show, "Kid Nation".

This is from the AdCouncil and is called "Tick".

From the AdCouncil's website here:

Global Warming

Sponsor Organization: Environmental Defense
Campaign Website: www.fightglobalwarming.com
Volunteer Agency: Ogilvy & Mather, New York

---

Global Warming. It may seem like an impossible problem: The Arctic ice is melting, storms are becoming fiercer, the resulting climate change is upsetting invaluable ecosystems, and the pollution is damaging our health.

But there is still time. Reversing the trend of global warming trend is possible and depends not only on the efforts of environmental scientists and researchers, governments of all nations, and leaders of business and industry, but just as importantly, it depends on the daily habits of regular people.

It is these regular people that this campaign hopes to inspire. The PSAs take a powerful, emotional approach to reach Americans with the message that global warming is an urgent problem that requires their immediate action.

The PSAs drive audiences to the website www.fightglobalwarming.com. The site provides information on the the causes, science, and consequences of global warming. A large part of the site focuses on what every person can do to reduce their energy consumption and therefore do their part to help slow and reverse global warming.

The campaign launched in March 2006.

Here's the ad:

Tick


Can we please, PLEASE have a reality check here? We have a whole generation being indoctrinated to the Global Warning agenda without any facts being given to them. And propaganda it indeed is.

Does anyone know how to do ANY research for themselves any more? Or is this entire generation further proof of the sheeple in Congress, offspring of the those infected with the disease called "Liberalism"? Are they that anxious to throw their money after lies--and the high priest of the global warming liars, the Goracle himself?

Wake UP people--this is nothing but sham snake oil, smoke and mirrors masquerading as real science. And you liberal sheeple are total idiots, throwing your money after those hypocrites profiting from it, begging them to take your money and walk all over you.

Are you so desperate you actually want a nanny-state? Like the laws being proposed in California where the GOVERNMENT controls your thermostat by remote control or what activity you can or can't engage in while in your own home (dammit, if I want to SMOKE in my house, who is the government to tell me I can't? If I want FRIED onion rings who is the government to tell me I can't have them? Who is the government to tell me what kind of condoms to use based on their "Green" rating?)?

You liberals dare, DARE to accuse conservatives of being Orwellian, but here's a newsflash for you: it's NOT conservatives proposing this idiocy and it's NOT conservatives buying into the hype. It's NOT conservatives telling you how to live your lives.

It's liberals--and, as Michael Savage says, "Liberalism is a Mental Disorder".

How true. Too bad liberals are too stupid following their fellow sheeple over the cliff and saying "control us, control us" to the government to realize their own stupidity and mental illness.

Get help, people. Really--you need it desperately.

Also posted at Real Clear Politics here and Grizzly Groundswell here.

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Out of the Closet-A Sixteen Year Old Speaks

Most parents are abnormally prejudiced towards their children (smartest, prettiest, etc.) and I am no exception. Most parents also butt heads with their children over some things (pig-sty rooms, chores, music, etc.) and again, I am no exception.

However.

My sixteen year old and I have an interesting relationship. We butt heads quite a bit over some things, but overall, he's a pretty decent kid who has a habit of pleasantly surprising me at times. He hates long hair, preferring his hair be short (the longer it gets, the more curls he gets and he hates curls), his room to be spotless (how many sixteen year olds STEAM CLEAN their carpets ON THEIR OWN, regularly?), he does his own laundry and...wait for it...actually TALKS to me about things that matter.

On the other hand, he loves to fight with his sisters, teases the dog with his dirty socks (my sympathies lie with the dog), he can be extremely sullen, I hate his "music", his grades are disgraceful (I'm often called for conferences wherein he's insulted a teacher who has refused to answer his questions), he likes to drive fast and wants to put a turbo in my minivan (one reason he still has a permit and not a license) and likes to stay hidden in his room. He also claims to "hate" his nieces and nephew (although he becomes a human jungle gym, giggling and laughing with them any time we're visiting my oldest and her family).

This past school year, he got into some serious trouble both at home and at school. I literally kicked him out (he lived with my brother) and gave the school permission to search him at any time, unannounced. He was found to be carrying pot at school and in a quantity sufficient to be charged with dealing rather than personal use. In Arizona, this is a felony--particularly since it happened during a search at school and he had the drug on school grounds.

However, his principal refused to call the police. Because of his honesty (he is disgustingly honest), he only pulled a 5 day suspension and was allowed to return to school. He is the type of kid who, if you ask him something, will tell you the truth--but you have to know how to ask.

He pulled a book out of his backpack the other day, "Marijuana: The New Prohibition" by John Kaplan (written in 1969 and published in 1970). After all the trouble he had been in, he finally decided to do some research. He also--thinking it would be a way to irritate me--decided he is "politically liberal".

Then we had a long discussion, a question and answer discussion. I asked him why he thought he was a liberal and his answer was because he thinks pot should be legalized--the standard argument of pot vs. alcohol.

Rather than dwell on that particular aspect, I decided to ask him some questions regarding other political aspects, questions about taxation, government waste, duplicate agencies, that kind of thing. Did I happen to mention this kid has been tested repeatedly and continues to test at above-genius levels, even with his disgraceful grades? He also listens to conservative talk radio in the car where I have a captive audience while driving the kids to school and around with me on errands.

Out of the mouths of babes come the most incredible answers.

In our question and answer discussion, I used the example of government waste as far as street repair--how DOT often tears up a street, makes improvements, repaves, etc. and then, a short time later, has to re-do it all again and how that wastes money in the form of DOT, traffic disruption, etc. because DOT hasn't coordinated with the gas company or the water company or whatever and they all work together to get the job done at one time and together instead of tearing up the streets and re-doing them over and over again. His solution was there needed to be the implementation of a central computer where all agencies and utility companies coordinated the jobs together. I told him that's a great idea, but the money that could go into that kind of coordination has already been wasted in doing the same job over and over again in the pattern already set. Again, he responded with, well, then all jobs need to be put on hold until the computer system is in place and jobs can be coordinated, rather than continuing in such a wasteful manner.

I filed that answer away and went to the next topic, duplicate agencies. He stated he was for duplicate agencies in case one safety net failed. So I brought up the point of paying two sets of people to do the exact same job when they could be combined into a more streamlined agency and cut the deadwood. I also asked him who he thought paid for the duplicate agencies. He responded, well, the government pays for them. So I asked him where the government got the money to pay for them. He didn't know. When I explained to him the only way the government can pay anyone is through taxing those who work, from "you and me", he stopped and thought a good long time. Then he said, so you mean when I get a job (oh yes, he's actively looking for a job) the government is going to take money from me to pay these people? I said YES. Well, in his mind, that's just not fair for the government to take his money he earned and give it out to people.

I said welcome to the working world. By funding duplicate agencies, agencies doing exactly the same thing, paying people to do exactly the same job, the government takes YOUR money. He decided it would be better if there were a way to combine and streamline the duplicate agencies instead of having a duplicate safety net.

On to the next topic--the difference in liberalism and conservatism in taxation and fiscal responsibility. I explained liberals like to have all kinds of government programs to "help" those who refuse to get a job of their own and in order to fund those programs we go back to taxation. Conservatives like to keep taxes low and not fund as many programs, essentially forcing people to do for themselves. His response was absolutely priceless.

He decided it would be a good idea to give a "survey" to each person as they registered to vote, actually make it a part of the voter registration process, to clarify where each person stood on basic issues. Hey, these are his words, people. Then, he said, each year when budgets come up, for those who are staunchly in favor of all the government programs (based upon their answers to the survey when they registered to vote), tax THEM more since they want to fund things so badly and tax those who want less government LESS--for those who want big government so badly, let THEM pay for it, don't make everyone pay for what THEY want.

Again, I filed his response away.

Then, he pulled out the book I mentioned above and he read me a passage. Here is that passage, from the Preface (all emphasis mine):

Marijuana to some is the symbol of yet another strain in our society--that of radicalism. Like most of the other symbolic aspects of marijuana use, the nexus is not a completely irrational one. When marijuana use was just becoming a middle-class phenomenon, around the beginning of the sixties, the first middle class users of the drug tended to be far more radical politically than their fellows, perhaps because they were so alienated from society that they could ignore one of its most severe criminal laws. And though, as marijuana use became more widespread, the ranks of the users came to include every political persuasion, it is still true that on the average, middle-class marijuana-users are considerably more likely to be liberal, just as they are more likely to have no formal religion and to come from wealthier and better-educated families.


In any event, regardless of whether it is in fact true, many people connect the willingness to use marijuana in defiance of society's dictates with a willingness to overthrow the established institutions of that society.

That would seem to explain the Hillary's and their love of communism, the leftist liberal bastions of society (such as the majority of our universities), Code Pink, and most of the democratic party not to mention all the treasonists and seditionists this country is faced with.

My son had to think long and hard after our conversation--it's not easy to believe yourself to be a so-called enlightened liberal in defiance of your conservative mom only to be shown to be just as conservative when the mirror is held up to your beliefs and you're forced to face your true feelings. Poor kid, I could almost feel sorry for him.

Take a kid out of the cocoon of public education and he comes out of the closet as a conservative. If it starts with just one, there may be hope for this country yet.

Also posted at Real Clear Politics here and Grizzly Groundswell here.

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Myth vs Fact-Part 204

Myth	Fact
Islam: Religion of peace.	Sahih Bukhari Volume 4, Book 52, Number 198: Narrated Ka'b bin Malik: Whenever Allah's Apostle intended to carry out a Ghazwa, he would use an equivocation to conceal his real destination till it was the Ghazwa of Tabuk which Allah's Apostle carried out in very hot weather. As he was going to face a very long journey through a wasteland and was to meet and attack a large number of enemies. So, he made the situation clear to the Muslims so that they might prepare themselves accordingly and get ready to conquer their enemy. The Prophet informed them of the destination he was heading for (Ka'b bin Malik used to say, "Scarcely did Allah's Apostle set out for a journey on a day other than Thursday.")
Tafsir

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Identity Theft-Some Great Tips Courtesy of NALS of Tucson and So. Arizona

Most of my readers know I'm a member of the legal profession and am in fact an office holder on all three levels of a tri-level organization. That organization is NALS...The Association for Legal Professionals. On the local level, we are NALS of Tucson and So. Arizona ["NTSA"] and NALS of Arizona ["NOA"].

We have a wonderful monthly newsletter at the NTSA level and occasionally, there are articles relevant to the public at large, not just the profession. This is one of those articles, and since we've just passed the holiday season, where we were likely to be less vigilant with our credit cards and checkbooks, I thought this would be something we could all use. The article was contributed by our NTSA President and unfortunately was based on an incident that happened to a friend of hers, as well as the follow-up on what you should do if the unthinkable happens.

WHAT TO DO IF YOUR IDENTITY OR WALLET /PURSE ARE STOLEN


An acquaintance of mine just had her identity stolen. All advice below is current and accurate. Incidents are up this time of year. Read this and make a copy for your files in case you need to refer to it someday. Maybe we should all take his advice! A corporate attorney sent the following out to the employees in his company:

We've all heard horror stories about fraud that's committed on us in stealing a name, address, social security number, credit cards, etc. Unfortunately, I, an attorney, have firsthand knowledge because my wallet was stolen last month. Within a week, the thieves ordered an expensive monthly cell phone package, applied for a VISA credit card, had a credit line approved to buy a Gateway computer, received a PIN number from DMV to change my driving record information online and more. But here's some critical information to limit the damage in case this happens to you or someone you know:

1). Do not sign the back of your credit cards. Instead, put "PHOTO ID REQUIRED".


2). When you are writing checks to pay on your credit card accounts, DO NOT put the complete account number on the "FOR" line. Instead, just put the last four numbers. The credit card company knows the rest of the number and anyone who might be handling your check as it passes through all the check processing channels won't have access to it.


3). Put your work phone number on your checks instead of your home phone. If you have a P.O. Box, use that instead of your home address. NEVER have your social security number printed on your checks. You can add it by hand if it is necessary, but if you have it printed, anyone can get it.


4). Place the contents of your wallet on a photocopy machine. Copy both sides of each license, credit card, etc. You will know what you had in your wallet and all of the account numbers and phone numbers to call and cancel. Keep the photocopy in a safe place. I also carry a photocopy of my passport when I travel either here or abroad.


5). We have been told we should cancel our credit cards immediately. But the key is having the toll free numbers and your card/account numbers so you know whom to call. Keep those where you can find them.


6). File a police report immediately in the jurisdiction where your credit cards etc., were stolen. This proves to credit providers you were diligent and this is a first step toward an investigation (if there ever is one).

BUT--here's perhaps what is most important of all (I never even thought to do this):

7). Call the three national credit reporting organizations immediately to place a fraud alert on your name. Also call the Social Security fraud line number. I had never heard of doing that until advised by a bank that called to tell me an application for credit was made over the internet in my name. The alert means any company that checks your credit knows your information was stolen and they have to contact you by phone to authorize new credit. By the time I was advised to do this, almost two weeks after the theft, all the damage had been done. There are records of all the credit checks initiated by the thieves' purchases, none of which I knew about before placing the alert. Since then, no additional damage has been done and the thieves threw my wallet away this weekend (someone turned it in). It seems to have stopped them dead in their tracks.

Now here are the numbers you always need to contact when your wallet, etc., has been stolen:

1). Equifax: 800-525-6285.
2). Experian (Formerly TRW): 888-397-3742
3). Trans Union: 800-680-7289
4). Social Security Adminstration: 800-269-0271

We pass along jokes on the internet; we pass along just about everything. If you are willing to pass this information along, it could really help someone you care about.

Cross posted at Real Clear Politics here and Grizzly Groundswell here.

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Fred Thompson Funnies-Part 09

It has been ENTIRELY too long (since September 23, 2007) since we saw some Fred funnies. Frank J. at IMAO is going strong and keeping them coming--he's got some great stuff at his site. Make sure you pay him a visit!

Without further adieu, here are the funnies!

JANUARY:
Fred Thompson doesn't decide who lives and who dies; he just makes it so.


Only one percent of New Hampshirites slept soundly last night.


Some people are homeless because of their financial situation, others are homeless because of substance abuse, while still others are homeless because they looked at Fred Thompson funny and he destroyed their home.

Who would win in a fight between John Wayne and Chuck Norris? Fred Thompson.


Fred Thompson can always easily identify pod-people, Cylons, Skrulls, users of a polyjuice potion, replicants, people who are actually the Thing, and RINOs.

Death lives in fear of Fred Thompson.


Like most Americans, Fred Thompson has no plans to ever set foot in Iowa ever again.


Fred Thompson will not only beat expectations, he will kick and stomp expectations before running over its neck with his truck.


The Klingon word for "awesome" is "Fred Thompson."


If Fred Thompson is an auld acquaintance, there is no chance of forgetting him.

DECEMBER:

If you watch this and decide not to vote for Fred Thompson, you can legally be committed.

Hell plans to add a brand new tenth circle specifically for those who don't vote for Fred Thompson.


If you try to fast forward past a Fred Thompson campaign commercial, your Tivo will erase all your favorite programs.


There was a legend of the Old West of a gunfighter who could outdraw and outshoot any man and would ride from town to town dispensing justice. He was known as "The Man with No Name (Other Than Fred Thompson)."


Fred Thompson isn't some hippie that worries about his "carbon footprint." He has twenty-five gas-guzzling cars that can combine in groups of five to form five giant gas-guzzling robots that can all combine to form one even bigger, even more gas-guzzling robot which then transforms into a car which Fred Thompson drives to the corner store to pick up a quart of milk.


While Romney has been stuffing mailboxes in Iowa with negative facts about Huckabee, Fred Thompson stuffed into a mailbox the most negative thing about Huckabee: Huckabee himself.


If a child is naughty, Santa leaves him a lump of coal in his stocking. If Santa is naughty, Fred Thompson beats him with a shovel.


Fred Thompson will be spending Christmas Eve this year the same as he traditionally does: Managing a crisis at Washington Dulles International Airport.

(research help from Jim Geraghty)

Fred Thompson is a fantastic breakdancer.

Fred Thompson remembers not seeing Mitt Romney's father march with Martin Luther King.

If Fred Thompson used but a fraction of his energy on the campaign trail, he would destroy the Eastern seaboard.

Every single blog has endorsed Fred Thompson that isn't secretly run by Communists.

IMAO has long been a revered conservative institution, and we thought it would be neglectfully of us not to weigh in on who the Republicans should nominate for president. Surveys show that most Republicans are not certain of their current choice and a whole 53% of them are waiting for IMAO to tell them more.

So, looking at all the facts, here is who IMAO thinks should be the Republican nominee:

Read More...

Fred Thompson used to be quite the ladies man before he married Jeri. In fact, there's a fifty percent chance he's your real father.

Fred Dalton Thompson

Many of you may be surprised by this. You may ask why didn't we endorse Ron Paul, the only hope for America? Do we not like America? And why didn't we endorse Mike Huckabee, the lovable hillbilly who will pardon any murderer who got a hold of a Bible? And what about Mitt Romney whose hair is very shiny?

These are good questions, and the endorsement of Fred Thompson certainly wasn't made on a whim. As you may know, IMAO has been reporting on Fred Thompson facts for some time -- for purely academic reasons. The more we looked at these facts, though, the more we began to think that they might mean that Fred Thompson is a great candidate. America really could use a candidate who could stop illegal immigration for a month by simply glaring at Mexico. And while other candidates are arguing over whether the rarely used waterboarding is too mean to terrorists, it's refreshing to have a candidate who believes that pulling out a terrorist's spine and beating him with it is a perfectly cromulent interrogation technique.

What really put us over the line was seeing the facts put to awesome music:

Also, John Hawkins's reduction of the Fred Thompson slogan "Kill the terrorists. Protect the border. Punch the hippies." down to the less cumbersome "Kill. Protect. Punch." really makes Fred Thompson's strengths as a candidate clear.

But we can't just go by our gut. Let's compare the main attributes of Fred Thompson versus the other candidates:

Fred Thompson: Teh Awesome

Other Candidates: Teh Suck

I believe when you lay things out this way, the reasons to support Fred Thompson over the other candidates becomes obvious, especially since IMAO has long held the position that "Teh Awesome" is better than "Teh Suck." And, in this time when our country is threatened by terrorists, weenies, and goobers, it's that more important we elect someone awesome -- a strong conservative who will kill and hurt those who need killing and hurting.

With a Fred Thompson presidency, I expect terrorists to become extinct within a year. Many bros will be tased, and hippies will be driven underground where they will eventually evolve into hideous creatures like the Morlocks (but not as hard working). America's economy will sky rocket all at the expense of foreign countries who will become so poor they'll all compete on who can grow us green onions the cheapest. Though Fred Thompson will not improve America's image abroad, other countries will suck so much in comparison to us that we'll care even less about their opinions.

So not only should you support Fred Thompson like your life depended on it, you should tell everyone else to do the same. Here's a visual example:

I should note, though, that the most important factor in IMAO endorsing Fred Thompson is that I already have an awesome t-shirt designed for him which will pretty much go to waste if he isn't the nominee. And it's not like I can just move that slogan to whoever the Republican nominee is, because, come on, do you think a tough slogan like that is going to work with Romney or hyuk-hyuk-Huckabee? No. Fred Thompson is the only Republican with the awesomeness to pull that off.

So, when it comes down to it, you have to ask yourself: Are you for awesomeness or not? If you think having a nominee who is awesome is just not for the Republican Party and we instead need some compromise candidate no one is thrilled with (or, in Ron Paul's case, only people infected with brain-eating bacteria are thrilled with), then vote for the one of the other guys. Otherwise, pull the lever for Fred Thompson, immediately turn around and punch the guy behind you in the face, and rock on!

Kill the terrorists.

Protect the border.

Punch the hippies.

Vote Fred Thompson.

He's the only candidate that is IMAO approved.

...Close It

From John Hawkins:

The snowman Fred Thompson made last winter defeated Godzilla.


When Fred Thompson says, "Have a merry Christmas," that's not a meaningless platitude -- it's a command -- so you better have a Christmas so merry blood is shooting out your eyes because Fred Thompson is coming to town.


On Christmas Eve, Fred Thompson leaves milk and cookies out. Santa dares not touch them, because he knows how much Fred Thompson loves his milk and cookies early on Christmas morning.


God created man in His image. Fred Thompson was the first copy, and they all sorta degraded after that.


Fred Thompson can fly if he wants to. Even gravity won't dare touch him without permission.


When Fred Thompson leaves his house, he doesn't lock his door. Criminals lock their doors.


Fred Thompson has been unable to attack Spider-Man because any time he tries, Spider-Man's spider-sense immediately overloads Spider-Man's brain, putting him into a week long coma.


Fidel Castro keeps a loaded gun by his bed at all times in case Fred Thompson becomes president so he can immediately blow his own brains out to avoid Fred Thompson's wrath. He won't be quick enough.


There are already plans for the supercarrier the U.S.S. Fred Thompson. It will carry and launch other aircraft carriers.


Today's Fred Thompson fact is a lovely poem written by Exurbankevin:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Fred Thompson.


When God created the first man and woman, He told them, "Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it, for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die since it's Fred Thompson's and he does not like people messing with his stuff."

In a debate, Fred Thompson follows up any rhetorical point he scores with an awesome guitar solo.


Some people become measurably smarter just by breathing the same air Fred Thompson does. Others become measurably deader.


If it's ten o'clock and you don't know where your children are, don't worry; Fred Thompson knows.


Fred Thompson has never used a brake pedal.


While Fred Thompson has always had a merry Christmas, he's never had a happy holiday.


From an airplane, people look like ants... except for Fred Thompson. He still looks like Fred Thompson.


Fred Thompson has never needed to move. Weak towns flee him while strong towns naturally grow near.

NOVEMBER:

Fred Thompson changes channels using a 12 gage.

Fred Thompson takes a bite out of criminals.

Fred Thompson opens up whupass in lot sizes no smaller than a gross at a time.

Fred Thompson enjoys racing cars. To make it fair he usually gives the cars at least a 100 foot head start.

Fred Thompson's house is easy to find. Just turn off the main road, go two blocks and when you see the pillar of cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night, you're there.

When they are in season, Fred Thompson enjoys hunting, killing, skinning and preparing fresh Balrog.

The shortest distance between two points doesn't go near Fred Thompson if it knows what's best for its lazy, shortcut seeking self.

Fred Thompson never needs to take questions from plants. Though a New York Times reporter tried to interview him and ended up a vegetable.

In the Fred Thompson Presidency every day will seem like Thanksgiving, partly because there'll be so much to be thankful for, but basically, if you value your life, you won't even act like a turkey.

When Fred Thompson's wireless call gets dropped, he drops the phone, the phone company and a vanload of hippies into the Sun.

Fred Thompson often gets a fresh hot Egg McMuffin after 10:30AM.

There's a sucker born every minute... which is a bit below replacement rate considering Fred Thompson's dislike of suckers.

Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Fred Thompson.

Fred Thompson is the only candidate with a plan to fight volcanoes or any other type of mountain that shows hostility to America.

While visiting Africa, an enraged Fred Thompson charged and killed a rhino. He hates rhinos.

Children like to lay pennies in the path of Fred Thompson and then keep the flattened remains as good luck charms.

At a speech at the Citadel, Fred Thompson called for a larger military, more modern weaponry, and smarter, less smelly enemies to fight. Sorry, hippies, he'll kill you last.

The reason the National Right to Life Committee is endorsing Fred Thompson is that they figured the best way to preserve life is to not piss off Fred Thompson.

Fred Thompson once took out an entire swarm of bees with a pair of chopsticks.

You know how the old saying goes: "If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's a gorilla if that's what Fred Thompson says it is."

Fred Thompson has released a comprehensive plan to save Social Security: Kill old hippies.

Taxes get so depressed when they hear Fred Thompson is in charge that they cut themselves.

Bullfighting doesn't work with Fred Thompson as a matador because, instead of charging, the bull flees in terror. The audience, too.

Why it a bad idea to anger Bruce Banner? Because he's a friend of Fred Thompson.

The best way to save the planet is to make sure it never gets in the way of Fred Thompson.

Matter cannot be destroyed (unless it pisses off Fred Thompson).

Fred Thompson can shoot a two inch group at 500 yards with a Nerf gun.

Fred Thompson's plan for the U.N. is to wait for a big conference and then melt down the entire headquarters, uniting leaders from all nations into a nice little paperweight for his desk.

Fred Thompson was initially confused by conservatives' opposition to "the Fairness Doctrine" since that's the name of one of his guns.

Climate change is inevitable. Except around Fred Thompson, where the climate stands very, very still.

(research of this fact done by No One of Consequence)

OCTOBER:

If your children go to Fred Thompson's house on Halloween night, make sure they don't say, "Trick or treat!" Fred Thompson does not respond well to threats.

Global warming is afraid of increasing Fred Thompson.

Fred Thompson owns one gun so awesome that it violates California state firearms law to even look at it.

It only takes one lick for Fred Thompson to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop.

Fred Thompson once fought fire with fire. Fire was admitted to the hospital with third degree burns covering eighty percent of its body.

Fred Thompson can get blood from a stone. He calls it "stone blood."

Fred Thompson is a master of all sports. He once batted a football into a basket hoop located on the green of a par 5 hole that was being guarded by the world's best goalie (hockey, not soccer).

Fred Thompson once shoved a camel through the eye of a needle. He didn't find it that difficult, though it was a bit messy.

Fred Thompson plans to beat the charge that he's "lazy" by running around the country at super-speed killing anyone who would slander him so.

Fred Thompson can absorb political adversity and channel it into powerful blasts from his hands which he uses to disintegrate his enemies.

The original last line to King Kong was "Oh no, it wasn't the airplanes. It was Fred Thompson that killed the beast. Fred. @#$%. Thompson."

Fred Thompson's method to veto wasteful spending bills will be to shove the bill down the throat of the Democrat who authored it and then throw him into the sun. Such a veto can not be overturned.

Fred Thompson in no way resembles a chimp and has painted a barn with the blood of those who implied otherwise.

Fred Thompson has promised to fight and win at least one world war within his first one hundred days.

If strangling Socialists with their own intestines is wrong, Fred Thompson has no desire to be right.

If your cellphone rings during a Fred Thompson speech, he will kill you and your Fave 5.

For the eighth year in a row, Fred Thompson has won the Nobel Violence Prize.

Fred Thompson is above any law, even those of thermodynamics.

There will be no natural disasters during the Fred Thompson administration; the earth is too scared of him to pull that crap.

Fred Thompson's campaign song is Drowning Pool's "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor."

While Fred Thompson was Senator, the Ultimate Fighting Championship lost viewers to C-SPAN.

Scratching Fred Thompson's car is classified as an extinction-level event.

Debate organizers decided there has to be at least a week between debates involving Fred Thompson to allow sufficient time to clean the blood off the walls.

If you even attempt to question Fred Thompson's patriotism, you will die instantly.

Once Fred Thompson became enraged while visiting Disney's Animal Kingdom and stampeded through the park, accidentally trampling and killing six elephants.

Fred Thompson has never been beaten at Candy Land.

[Am I getting these confused with John Edwards facts again? -Ed.]

If Fred Thompson sees any flag flying higher than the American flag, he will rip it down... even when visiting a foreign country.

When an episode of Law & Order was lost just before airing, Fred Thompson quickly constructed a new one out of nothing more than a paper clip, a piece of string, and an episode of MacGyver.

Fred Thompson has a plan to simultaneous reduce the number of nukes and countries.

Fred Thompson has a list of some of his principles at his blog, the Fred File. It's not a complete list, though, and here are some more principles exclusive to IMAO:

The Environment. For too long, we have yielded to the forces of natures. Instead, the nature should bend to our will. We must tame it like a beast as use it as yet another tool to destroy our enemies. If nature will not yield to us, then it must be destroyed starting with the sun.

Space Exploration. We lay claim to all the universe. We must continue to explore space to see if any life forms are occupying our property and punish them.

Border Security. America deserves a giant wall on both borders made from human bones.

Military Technology. We need weapons that launch fireballs at our enemies. Enemies of America deserve to be hit with fireballs.

Foreign Countries. Foreign countries are an affront to our sovereignty. Their mere existence suggests that someone would prefer to live somewhere else than the U.S. For this blasphemy, we must destroy all foreign countries and punish those who support them.

Education. Children are stupid. Someone needs to do something about that or I will destroy them.

Terrorism. We must make our enemies know that Allah is not nearly powerful enough to protect them from our wrath.

Fred Thompson beats rock, paper, and scissors. He also beats Jimmy Carter every other weekend.


Fred Thompson is the only candidate with a realistic plan to destroy the sun.

SEPTEMBER:

The House recently voted on a resolution expressing their fear of Fred Thompson. It passed 427 to 0 with 8 not voting since Fred Thompson had killed them.

Fred Thompson's favorite toy as a toddler was electrified barbed wire tied to a grizzly bear.

Fred Thompson can swallow a pig and some wheat and crap a ham sandwich.

Primitive cultures revere Fred Thompson as the god of death and destruction. It's believed the cause of this is that many cultures end up primitive after Fred Thompson has destroyed them.

Neither rain nor sleet nor snow nor giant meteor will keep Fred Thompson from giving someone a needed whup'n.

Fred Thompson can talk to fish but chooses not to.

Fred Thompson is so pro-American that when he places an ad in the New York Times, they charge him four times their normal rate.

Fred Thompson is not your "bro" and he is going to tase you.

Cross posted at Real Clear Politics here and Grizzly Groundswell here.

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