MBVD: TAPS for the children

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Thursday, December 4, 2008

TAPS: For the Children

Recently, this site posted tips from TAPS designed to help grieving loved ones deal with new realities which are especially challenging over major holidays. As Christmas approaches, TAPS has now issued another press release, with tips on how to help the fallen hero's children cope. Christmas is typically a fun-filled, joyous time that children anticipate with great glee. This time of year, however, can be really hard on the precious little ones, without their own special hero. TAPS does amazing work year-round for the families of our fallen. If you are unfamiliar with their work, please visit their site at: www.taps.org. Meantime, please take the time to read TAPS latest press release - for the children:

SUPPORTING CHILDREN DEALING WITH GRIEF DURING THE HOLIDAYS: TIPS TO HELP
National Organization Comforting Families of the Fallen Offers Advice to Help All Who Are Grieving

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE December 2, 2008

WASHINGTON The holidays can be a magical time of year, but for children who have recently lost a parent, sibling, or another significant person in their lives, the holiday season can be an emotional minefield. It can also pose challenges for their still grieving surviving parents and other family members.

The holiday season can be particularly difficult for families with bereaved children because children carry their own expectations about the holidays, as well as their own grief over the loss, said Bonnie Carroll, the founder and chairman of the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, TAPS. The holiday season can be a painful time for a bereaved child, but it can also be an opportunity to honor and remember the person who died and the legacy that special person left for that child.

For more than a decade, TAPS has helped surviving families of those who have died in military service, including Good Grief Camps attended by thousands of children and teens. TAPS and Carroll offer the following tips to help families supporting a bereaved child over the holidays:

Talk with your child about the holiday season. Anticipating the holiday, especially if it's the first holiday without a family member, can be worse than the actual holiday. Talk with your child about their feelings and expectations for the holiday season. Discuss the activities your child would like to participate in or attend.

Even if your child does not talk about the loss often with you, do not expect for your child to be 'over it.' Children grieve on their own timeline and differently from adults. Significant milestones, such as the first holiday after the loss, may cause the child's feelings about the loss to re-surface, even if the child has not talked about the loss for a long time.

Make holiday plans that help your child feel nurtured, emotionally safe, and comfortable. Review your plans for the holidays with your child. Spend the holidays where you and your child feel supported, nurtured, and comfortable.

Encourage your child to attend holiday functions. Consider attending holiday parties and activities, especially if you and your child will be able to spend time with supportive family members and friends. Make an escape plan in case the event is more than you or your child can handle, and trust your hosts to understand if you need to slip out.

Laughter, play and joy are good for your child. Children do not grieve continuously and they need to take breaks from grieving. Encourage your child to play, run, and do recreational activities he or she would normally do. Clowning around and laughing (which releases endorphins into the brain) are good for children.

Be observant about your child's emotions. Realize that familiar traditions, sights, smells, and even tastes, may be comforting to your child, or may jolt emotions for a bereaved child. Watch how your child responds to events and be ready to be supportive and to comfort your child.

Comfort items that remind the child of the loved one may help. Allowing your child to sleep in a favorite shirt that belonged to the person who died may offer comfort. Letting your child carry a special item that reminds him or her of the person who died may help the child feel connected with the person who died. Placing a special photograph of the child with the person who died or a holiday celebration in years past, may help the child.

Pay attention to your child's health. It's often difficult for adults and children alike who have experienced a recent loss to sleep. Make sure your child gets regular rest, eats well, and drink lots of water. Holiday treats are ok, but in moderation. Bedwetting, acting out, and nightmares may be symptoms of a child that is struggling. Talk with your medical care provider if you become concerned about your child's health.

Don't pretend your family has not experienced a loss. Let your child know that you also miss the person who died. Tell your child that you don't like that things can't be exactly like they were before the person died, and that you love your child. Children may need to hear this in order to feel it is permissible to discuss their own feelings.

Find sustenance for the soul. Your church, synagogue, mosque, or another faith community may offer services, resources and support networks to help you and your child through the holiday season.

Talk with your child about holiday traditions and how they will be observed this year. Some children insist that holiday customs remain exactly the same. Discuss with your child why he or she wants to hold onto a particular tradition or custom. Do not feel that you must do something because you have always done it that way, but consider your child's feelings when making a change. Talk with your child about any changes before they occur.

Stick to daily routines when possible. The holidays tend to cause a lot of upheaval in schedules and routines. The friends your child plays with may go out of town. Daily schedules your child is accustomed to change when schools close for the holidays. Try to keep your child on a regular bedtime routine and talk with your child about any schedule changes.

Allow your child to remember a lost loved one through a tribute. Light a candle together at dinner time to remember the person who died. Make a wreath with pictures and items that represent the things the lost loved one cared about and place it at the gravesite for the loved one. Hang an ornament on the tree that reminds the child of the loved one. Help your child offer a blessing at a holiday meal that honors the person who died. Create a picture or collage with your child, display a favorite photograph in your home, or let your child help you set a place at the dinner table to represent the loved one who died.

Help your child write a letter to the person who died that honors the legacy that person gave the child. Help your child write a letter to the person they love who died thanking him or her for the gifts the person gave to the child, the special things they would do together, and expressing how the child feels about the person. Some children may want to mail their letter to the person, take the letter to the cemetery, or 'send it to heaven' on a helium-filled balloon.

Honor the lost loved one through a gift. Encourage your child to draw pictures or create gifts for others that are inspired by the memories of the person who died. Help your child make a donation to a charity or cause the loved one cared about. Consider volunteering as a family at the charity.

Use family connections to help your child. Connections with other family members can help your child feel comforted, loved, and safe. These family connections can also help you as a parent cope with the holidays. Encourage your child to build ties with other family members, but you may need to remain nearby to reassure your child with your presence.

For more tips on dealing with grief during the holidays, go to the TAPS website at www.taps.org.

TAPS is the national organization providing compassionate care for the families of America's fallen military heroes. TAPS provides peer-based emotional support, grief and trauma resources, seminars for adults, Good Grief Camps for children, case work assistance, and 24/7 crisis intervention care for all who have been affected by the death of a loved one serving in the Armed Forces. Services are provided free of charge. For more information go to www.taps.org or call the toll-free crisis line at 800.959.TAPS.

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SOLDIER"S ANGELS NEEDS YOUR HELP!

The Veterans Hospital in Tucson needs our help!!! They have contacted Soldiers' Angels with a list of needs for their patients. Soldiers Angels needs your help in making some of these come true.

Below you will find just a small portion of needs that are immediate. You can also find this list posted on the Soldiers Angels Forum at www.soldiersangelsforum.com you will be able to find lots of great information there for our deployed and vets.

If you are sending a monetary donation please follow the link and indicate the State you are in.

Donate here;
Ttp://soldiersangels.org/index.php?page=veterans-support

COMFORT ITEMS- $350/MO
Dry Skin Cream
Slipper Socks-No skid
Catheter bag covers
Shaving Cream
Hand Lotion
Baby Shampoo
Hand Soap
Roll on/Spray Deodorant
Denture Cleaner
Underwear (men and women (all sizes)
Toothbrushes
Denture Grip
Socks (white)
Talcum Powder
Nail Clippers
Toothpaste
Ladies hand and body lotion
Backpacks
Disposable Razors
Comb/Brushes
Shawls
Shaving Cream/small
Knitted Caps
Travel Alarm Clocks
Ball Caps
Tote Bags
Shower Shoes
Pocket Size Needle and Thread Kit
Heart pillows for cardiac patients
Lap Robes (3x5 or 5x7)

GUEST SERVICES
30 cup coffee makers
Coffee supplies (reg. & decaf)
Music CDs
Stamps
Writing Paper and Envelopes
Prepaid Phone Cards for patients’

RECREATION
Puzzle books
Crossword Puzzles
Pencils
Video tapes & DVDs (movies, educational)
DVD Player

Sports equipment (basketball, tennis rackets &
Tickets for entertainment & sporting events
Balls, badminton set, Frisbees, football)

If you can send just one item that would be great!!! If each person sends one thing we will make a difference! They are also needing those who can volunteer time at the hospital just contact the Voluntary Services Dept. For information.

Mail Items to:

Department of Veterans Affairs Southern Arizona VA Health Care System – Voluntary Services 9-135, 3601 S. Sixth Avenue, Tucson, AZ 85723

PLEASE HELP US HELP THOSE WHO FOUGHT FOR OUR FREEDOM!

My Favorite Speeches and Other Items of Interest

George Bush's March 28, 2007 Discusses Economy, War on Terror During Remarks to the National Cattlemen's Beef Association;http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2007/03/20070328-2.html
Mitch McConnell's March 15, 2007 Funding For Troops, Not Timelines for Retreat; http://mcconnell.senate.gov/record.cfm?id=270747&start=1
Ronald Reagan's June 12, 1987 Tear Down This Wall Speech; http://www.reaganfoundation.org/reagan/speeches/wall.asp
Vice President Cheney's March 12, 2007 Remarks at the AIPAC 2007 Policy Conference; http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2007/03/20070312.html

Winston Churchill Quotes

A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.
Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives, I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed.
Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.
Battles are won by slaughter and maneuver. The greater the general, the more he contributes in maneuver, the less he demands in slaughter.
Danger - if you meet it promptly and without flinching - you will reduce the danger by half. Never run away from anything. Never!
I always seem to get inspiration and renewed vitality by contact with this great novel land of yours which sticks up out of the Atlantic.
I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else.
I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat.
I like a man who grins when he fights.
I was only the servant of my country and had I, at any moment, failed to express her unflinching resolve to fight and conquer, I should at once have been rightly cast aside.
If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time-a tremendous whack.
In war as in life, it is often necessary when some cherished scheme has failed, to take up the best alternative open, and if so, it is folly not to work for it with all your might.
It is no use saying, 'We are doing our best.' You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary.
Moral of the Work. In war: resolution. In defeat: defiance. In victory: magnanimity. In peace: goodwill.
Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few.
Never, never, never give up.
No folly is more costly than the folly of intolerant idealism.
One ought never to turn one's back on a threatened danger and try to run away from it. If you do that, you will double the danger. But if you meet it promptly and without flinching, you will reduce the danger by half. Never run away from anything. Never!
Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery.
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
The first quality that is needed is audacity.
The nose of the bulldog has been slanted backwards so that he can breathe without letting go.
The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is.
There is no such thing as public opinion. There is only published opinion.
These are not dark days: these are great days - the greatest days our country has ever lived.
They are decided only to be undecided, resolved to be irresolute, adamant for drift, solid for fluidity, all-powerful to be impotent.
True genius resides in the capacity for evaluation of uncertain, hazardous, and conflicting information.
Victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory, there is no survival.
War is a game that is played with a smile. If you can't smile, grin. If you can't grin, keep out of the way till you can.
War is mainly a catalogue of blunders.
We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.
We shall draw from the heart of suffering itself the means of inspiration and survival.
When the eagles are silent the parrots begin to jabber.
When you are winning a war almost everything that happens can be claimed to be right and wise.
You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.

Ronald Reagan Quotes

"The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant: It's just that they know so much that isn't so."
Above all, we must realize that no arsenal, or no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is so formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women. It is a weapon our adversaries in today's world do not have.
All the waste in a year from a nuclear power plant can be stored under a desk.
Approximately 80% of our air pollution stems from hydrocarbons released by vegetation, so let's not go overboard in setting and enforcing tough emission standards from man-made sources
Come here to this gate! Mr. Gorbachev, open this gate! Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!
Concentrated power has always been the enemy of liberty.
Double, no triple, our troubles and we'd still be better off than any other people on earth. It is time that we recognized that ours was, in truth, a noble cause.
Facts are stupid things.
Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same.
Freedom prospers when religion is vibrant and the rule of law under God is acknowledged.
Government exists to protect us from each other. Where government has gone beyond its limits is in deciding to protect us from ourselves.
Governments tend not to solve problems, only to rearrange them.
History teaches that war begins when governments believe the price of aggression is cheap.
How can a president not be an actor?
How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin.
I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US Congress.
I will stand on, and continue to use, the figures I have used, because I believe they are correct. Now, I'm not going to deny that you don't now and then slip up on something; no one bats a thousand.
In Israel, free men and women are every day demonstrating the power of courage and faith. Back in 1948 when Israel was founded, pundits claimed the new country could never survive. Today, no one questions that. Israel is a land of stability and democracy in a region of tryanny and unrest.
Let us ask ourselves; "What kind of people do we think we are?".
Man is not free unless government is limited.
My philosophy of life is that if we make up our mind what we are going to make of our lives, then work hard toward that goal, we never lose - somehow we win out.
No mother would ever willingly sacrifice her sons for territorial gain, for economic advantage, for ideology.
Of the four wars in my lifetime, none came about because the U.S. was too strong.
Our forbearance should never be misunderstood. Our reluctance for conflict should not be misjudged as a failure of will. When action is required to preserve our national security, we will act.
Protecting the rights of even the least individual among us is basically the only excuse the government has for even existing.
Some people wonder all their lives if they've made a difference. The Marines don't have that problem.
The ultimate determinant in the struggle now going on for the world will not be bombs and rockets but a test of wills and ideas - a trial of spiritual resolve: the values we hold, the beliefs we cherish and the ideals to which we are dedicated.
The United Sates has much to offer the third world war.
There are no easy answers' but there are simple answers. We must have the courage to do what we know is morally right.
To paraphrase Winston Churchill, I did not take the oath I have just taken with the intention of presiding over the dissolution of the world's strongest economy.
Today we did what we had to do. They counted on America to be passive. They counted wrong.
We are never defeated unless we give up on God.
We have the duty to protect the life of an unborn child.
We must reject the idea that every time a law's broken, society is guilty rather than the lawbreaker. It is time to restore the American precept that each individual is accountable for his actions.
We will always remember. We will always be proud. We will always be prepared, so we will always be free.
Within the covers of the Bible are the answers for all the problems men face.
You know, if I listened to Michael Dukakis long enough, I would be convinced we're in an economic downturn and people are homeless and going without food and medical attention and that we've got to do something about the unemployed.