Fred Thompson Funnies-Part 3
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The most scientifically accepted unified field theory is Fred Thompson.
Fred Thompson easily caught the Road Runner on his first try.
Fred Thompson's casual southern drawl actually slows down time.
The two solid rocket boosters used to launch the space shuttle each provides three million pounds of thrust, a force approximately equivalent to Fred Thompson socking you in the gut.
To protect their e-mails, Fred Thompson's staffers use TES (Thompson Encryption Standard). It's a block cipher with the added protection that, if someone other than the intended recipient tries to read the message, Fred Thompson rips off the eavesdropper's leg and beats him with it.
Scientists theorize that Fred Thompson is composed of a super-dense element called "Thompsonium." It's highly unstable and has a half-life of 0.4 nanoseconds -- which is still more than enough time for it to kick your ass.
The Qur'an says that if you touch pork you will be unclean and if you touch Fred Thompson you'll be dead.
If you say the U.S. government is responsible for 9/11 and end up with your head ripped off and shoved up your ass, it will be no conspiracy who did it. It was Fred Thompson.
Fred Thompson has never needed a hug.
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